Lilly led her rolling suitcase up the front walk of William’s home that Saturday. Her mood was sour, as was her mouth. Opal, the owner of the building that housed Lilly, somehow forgot to pay the utilities for the month so everyone woke up to no water for showers, cooking, or brushing teeth. Lilly felt grimy, though she knew it was psychological. Dropping her suitcase handle so that it settled loudly onto its base, she raised her hand to knock only to hear a child’s scream inside.
The scream wasn’t pain or panic, causing her to lean forward, listening hard.
She heard the echo of a splash around the side of the house, and another cackle of screamed surprise from inside. What was going on? Lilly rang the doorbell and listened to the stampede of feet.
“Let me open it.” William’s command quieted whatever animals might have escaped inside. He opened the door a crack, then widened it. “Hi Lilly.”
“Do I have the wrong date?” She looked at her watch, then at the four faces that appeared around and through William’s legs.
“No. You’re perfect. My sister stopped by with her brood, so there’s a few more people around than expected, but I have a few initial thoughts designed out.”
“Who is this?” A female voice approached, pulling the door from William's light grip. “Wow! Well, hello. Are you a traveling salesman or are you moving in?”
“Neither.” William glared at her. “Lilly, this is my sister, Lucy. Lucy, this is Lilly.”
“You didn’t tell me you had friends,” Lucy teased.
“She’s here to do laundry and help me with a project.”
As soon as he opened the door, Lilly pulled her suitcase inside. Lucy attached herself to the younger woman and followed Lilly while the pair traipsed after William to the laundry room. Behind them, Lilly heard the alarm from the stove’s timer.
“Lunch.” Lucy said. “Will, can you pull it out of the oven and start dishing?”
She waited for him to disappear before turning herself more fully toward Lilly. “Tell me a little about yourself.”
“I’m just on the same nonprofit board as your brother, so we're working together for the carnival project.”
“Will was telling me about that. He said he’s pretty excited, and that he expects me to come and spend a lot of money.”
Lilly laughed. “It would certainly help our work.”
“What do you do?”
Lilly dumped in the sorted first load. “You mean the non-profit? They work with local middle and high schools to increase awareness about the signs of depressions, and how to build a support structure around these kids that will help prevent the feeling that suicide is the only option. We also pay for suicide hotlines and education opportunities to emergency responders, and to principals and district-level administrators.”
“Wow. And what role do you play?”
Lilly laughed, closing the lid and leaned against the machine. “I don’t work with them, I just sit on the board and help raise the money.”
“That’s quite impressive for someone your age. Did you lose someone to suicide?”
“No.”
Will leaned into the room, holding on to the frame and looking at his sister meaningfully. “You don’t have to stand in here and talk, the kitchen is much more comfortable. Plus your youngest is climbing on the table and through other people’s plates.”
Lucy jumped up. “Sorry, Will.”
She hurried to take charge of her children while Lilly followed at a slower pace. “Thanks for saving me there. I didn’t want to admit that I got involved because you were on the board.”
“Not a problem. Take her questions worth a grain of salt. She’s the nosy neighbor in our family.” He bumped her arm teasingly.
Lucy resumed her line of questioning as soon as Lilly settled onto the bar stools by the kitchen counter.
“So, you’re on the board, what else do you do? Are you a student too?”
“Not yet.” Will slid a plate of pizza in front of her, eliciting a grumble from her empty stomach. “I’m saving up to pay for the tuition, but so far I’ve only got one semester. I’d like to get a full year’s tuition before I start so I don’t have to quit again right away.”
“Responsible.” She nodded, glancing toward Will for some reason. “You work then?”
“Yeah, I actually took Will’s advice and recently switched from two jobs to one. It’s less hours, but the pay is a little better, and I never realized how much money I spent on gas between the two.”
Will lifted the pizza cutter in a salute. “Told you. More isn’t always better.”
“And what do you do with your free time?”
“Well, I just started the new job, so I haven’t really done anything, yet. I used to enjoy playing the piano, and in high school I was on the soccer team—I guess I could start practicing again.”
“No hobbies?”
“I haven’t had time for much. I was working about 60 hours a week. Add in planning for the carnival and sleep and that about does me every day.”
Brother and sister frowned in unison.
Lucy waited until Lilly had finished one slice before starting again.
“It sounds like you don’t live at home anymore, did you move to be closer to work?”
“Lucy.” Will gave her a warning glare.
Lucy shrugged. “I’m not prying, just curious.”
Lilly took another bite to avoid the moment. “You have a lot of kids. Your husband must have a pretty good job to support such a large family.” She pictured another house on the hill like William had. Maybe the guy was a doctor.
“My husband is in the military. He’s deployed, which is why we’re here. Some days I just have to get away for a bit.”
“Four kids would be a lot to handle. I remember trying to go shopping with just my two sisters. It was a pain and a half to keep them from pulling things off the shelves and stay next to the cart, not run into other shoppers, or into the street.”
“How old were you?”
“I think I was about fourteen at the time. The grocery store was just down the street so it wasn’t bad to walk down and carry the food back.”
“Your mom and dad both work?”
“Lucy.” This time his glare was not so much warning and scolding.
“Just a mom.” Lilly shoved in another bite, starting the feel the pressure of the woman’s questions.
Will settled at the table. “It’s not four kids, by the way. She has seven. The oldest three are out in the pool.”
“Seven kids,” she breathed. How did a woman even bear seven children much less raise them?
The siblings chuckled at her horrified expression. They ate in companionable silence until the kids finished. The flurry of activity in cleaning up died down when they ran outside to join their older siblings.
Lucy sighed. “Ug, they trashed your kitchen. I’ve been working so hard on cleaning up after yourself and they don’t seem to get it.”
“I know what you mean. Most of my roommates live like slobs. It’s hard to even find a place to sleep with their stuff everywhere.” Lilly added her plate to the pile next to the sink.
“Do you share a room?” William watched her hawkishly.
“Kind of.” She hedged. “I should go check on the laundry.”
She switched the wet to the dryer and dumped in her second load, grateful for the short-lived escape. By the time Lilly returned to the main area the pair had moved to the sitting room with the giant glass window overlooking the yard and the city beyond. They watched the younger children play while chatting. Lilly fidgeted for a moment, wondering if she should start working on their art project rather than just sit and talk, but she hadn’t seen the designs William said he started, and she didn’t want to interrupt their time together. Instead, she settled onto the edge of the closest couch.
Lucy smiled at her, immediately turning the conversation back. “Lilly, tell me your opinion. William wants to paint the walls white. I think that would be a crime given the mood of this room.”
Lilly looked around trying to picture white instead of the deep beige. “I think she’s right.”
“I like her.” Lucy grinned toward her brother. “You should find a woman like her to marry. Why are you still single?”
William huffed. “Lucy, as delightful as this visit has been, Lilly came over to work on the carnival stuff. I don’t mind if you stay and play, but we should start.” He rose and gestured for Lilly to proceed him.
“Do you want Tyler’s help?” Lucy stood as well.
“No, that’s alright. We’re not to the point of painting yet, we still need to figure out what we want.”
“What are you making?” she started to follow them.
Lilly saw William’s expression darken but he shook it off a second later. “We’re making those boards you see at carnivals where people poke their heads through holes and take pictures.”
“Oh!” Her smile widened. “How fun! Can I help with brainstorming?”
Lilly wanted to giggle. She’d never seen this side of William as his emotions played unchecked across his handsome features.
“Of course you can help.”
“What’s the theme?” The older woman almost skipped as she followed the pair to the opposite side of the house where several rough drawings covered the coffee table.
Lilly picked up the first. “I like it, but I don’t think it’s the right feel for these types of pictures.” She glanced toward Lucy. “The theme is support; finding support, and giving support. Building your own support structure, and becoming part of other’s support structures.”
“Oh, so the human pyramid idea kind of works for that.”
“Yeah, but I think people are more likely to build the pyramid themselves than stick their heads through the holes.”
Lilly reached for the next. “I like this one.”
“What’s the difference between that and just taking a picture standing with your friends. Aren’t they supposed to be dressed weird or something?”
William pulled the pages from both women. “Fine. What are your thoughts?”
Lilly could hear the frustration in his words and felt contrite. “Sorry. I think we should go with the human pyramid one.”
“How about one where they’re holding a sign that says: “Supporting Awareness” or something similar?”
Lucy nodded and knelt giving a quick sketch of the concept. She sat as she drew, and Lucy took the opposite end leaving the middle for William. As soon as he sat, Lucy scooted closer to increase her access to the table and William shifted to accommodate her. Lilly didn’t mind in the least. She drew rough sketches as the pair brainstormed, then leaned across William to hand them to his sister. Every time she did, she felt a flutter, but didn’t dare look at the man himself. They worked until the table filled, then sorted the pictures into piles based on likeliness of use. In the end they’d narrowed it down to three.
“My laundry!” Lilly hurried back to the laundry room. She tossed the second load into the dryer then started at the last remaining pile. She needed the clothes clean, but she’d already been at William’s house for the better part of the afternoon and evening was approaching fast. The laundromat remained open all night, so she could probably just take the extra load there.
Just as she was starting to load the clean, dry clothes from her first load back into the suitcase, William appeared at the door. “How’s it going?”
“Just fine. Thanks for letting me use your machines. It sure eased my load.”
“Ha, great pun. That’s what friends are for.” He gestured to her suitcase. “Looks like you have one more?”
“No, I’ll just go to a laundry mat. I’ve already trespassed on your kindness enough for one day.”
“Lilly, be serious. Just toss it in. What will it add, an extra hour? If you have somewhere to be, that’s another matter, but don’t worry about me.”
She considered him. “Okay. Thanks.” Lifting the pile of dirty, she tossed it in and started the load.
William continued to watch her as she worked. Finally, she turned, feeling strangely awkward. “What?”
“It’s nothing, just that you had a lot of great ideas tonight.”
She debated for a moment before walking past him and back toward the living room. The house seemed eerily silent after the constant sound of children for the last several hours. “Your sister left? She didn’t need to do that.”
“Actually, she did. I don’t have enough food in the house to feed all of her kids two meals. She knows she has to give me warning twenty-four hours in advance if she expects me to feed them more than one.”
“You’re really close to her.” She turned. “I like that. My sisters and I are pretty close too.”
“Why have I not heard about them before?” He cut off her course toward the living room, turning their path toward the kitchen instead.
“I haven't seen them much recently.”
“Your problems with your mother, are they because of me?”
“No. You didn’t do anything. Our problems are our own.”
“But they started about the same time as her claims against me, didn’t they?”
Lilly headed for the sink, determined to pay back what she could of his generosity. William didn’t seem to mind and headed for the fridge.
“My mother has always been overprotective to the point of controlling. She made mistakes when she was fifteen and ever since I turned fifteen she’s constantly worrying that I’m going to do the same.”
“She got pregnant with you?”
“There’s more to it, but, yeah. She thinks I’m irresponsible.”
“Doesn’t sound like that to me.” He loaded the counter with ingredients. “Any allergies?”
“No.” She turned on the water, waiting for it to heat before plugging the sink. She wanted to ask about his ambiguous statement, but she’d been sharing an awful lot about herself today. Their usual conversations floated on the surface of their lives. It wasn’t that she was uncomfortable sharing, she realized, but she did wonder what he thought.
William interrupted her musing. “I think your mother is so overprotective because she doesn’t want you to have to deal with the struggles she went through. From what I hear, parents would do almost anything to protect their children from the worst pains they had to suffer.”
“True, but sometimes pain provides for growth. I’m not advocating teenage pregnancy by any means, just that maybe it wasn’t all bad, but whenever she talked about it, all I hear about is regret.”
William paused in his preparations. “Lilly, do you think she blames you, or that she’s saying you were bad?”
“No.” she laughed it off even as she felt the jab inside that he might be right. She knew she wasn’t bad, but how many times had her mother referred to that time of her life as one giant mistake. If that time was a mistake, didn’t that mean what came out of it was also a mistake by connection?
“Lilly.” His hand rested on her shoulder. “You’re not the reason for her choices, nor are you responsible for them. If she regrets that time, I’m pretty confident in saying she doesn’t regret you.”
Lilly shut off the water and started cleaning to give her something to focus on. “Yeah, of course. I know that.”
He leaned around her, staring into her eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Why are you trying to push at old wounds? Do you want to see me cry?”
“No.” He pulled back quickly. Several minutes of silences ticked by while the two worked on their separate tasks. Finally, he spoke. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry about Lucy too. She’s a forward person, and sometimes she forgets that not everyone wants to be as forward as she is.”
Lilly turned her attention to rinsing the sink full of clean dishes.
William laid out a thick towel next to the sink, then went back to his tasks.
Lilly felt a familiar thrill at the feel of him so close to her, but it was different now. Something had changed. Perhaps because she knew him better? She pondered on the idea as she finished the dishes and started drying. By the time she was done, William finished his preparations, setting out two plates of food.
“You don’t have to feed me. I’m sure your budget already took enough of a hit today.”
William grinned. “Part of my religion is to keep a supply of extra food on hand. Believe me when I say that I have plenty to share, just not enough kid-friendly stuff for my nieces and nephews.”
Lilly hurried to change over her clothes, stuffing the second clean and dry load into her suitcase. Why did clean clothes seem to take up more space? She hurried back to the table and felt another strange flush through her at the placement of the plates. Her knee brushed his and the butterflies started dancing for the first time in a while. His eyes were clouded, preoccupied by some internal thoughts, but he shook free of them as she joined him.
“So, what are your plans for the rest of the evening?” He picked at a small green salad to one side of his plate.
Lilly shrugged. “Usually I’d head home and read a book for a few hours before bed, but I’m not sure how that would work out today. Maybe I’ll head to the library until it closes.”
“What’s wrong with home? Where is it that you live, by the way, every time I ask a question, I feel like you change the subject.”
“Does it matter? Maybe I’m just trying to avoid having a stalker.” She grinned. “My landlord isn’t great with money and she chose to pay the mortgage instead of the utilities this month. It’s a short interruption. She promised she’d have them back on by tomorrow.”
William didn’t speak, but his brows rose. He shoved in a few more bites and took a breath. “I realize that it’s none of my business, but just from the few things you’ve told me, it doesn’t sound like this is an ideal living situation.”
Lilly shrugged. “For $100 bucks a month, I’ll endure a lot. That includes utilities, by the way. It puts more of my money into college savings.”
“Unless you freeze to death because it’s the dead of winter and you have no heat.”
“We’ll be fine. There’s enough body heat, if nothing else.” She meant it as a joke, but William’s eyes darkened.
“You live with a mix of guys and girls, right? And you don’t have your own room? How do you know it’s safe? What if one of them tries something?”
Lilly laughed. “No worries there. The majority of us share the open space, so the grunts and snores of the whole group are very audible. If anyone did something uncouth, everyone would know about it. Opal has us all sign a contract and she did a background check on me before I moved in.”
“Wait, you sleep in the living room?” He turned his chair to better see her face. “What kind of place is this?”
“It’s not a living room, per se.” She fidgeted, spearing a couple of bites to avoid talking.
William covered her hand the next time she went in for a bite. “Please, help me understand.”
Lilly could only stare at his hand. “Why do you care so much? I’ve planned it out. This is seriously the best path for me. I already took your advice on jobs, but please don’t think that means you get to dictate where I sleep.” Unless you want it to be here. But she didn’t add that part aloud.
William’s hand dropped. “You’re right. I’m sorry, I just don’t want to see you putting yourself in compromising situations just to save a few bucks. I know a couple of families in this area that sublet basements or parts of their house for pretty cheap. I don’t know if I could match $100 a month, all included, but you’d have your own four walls and at least a lockable door between yourself and your neighbors.”
“I’m fine. Thanks for your concern, William.”
Both returned to their meals and the silence stretched to the end. Lilly grabbed William’s plate, washing and stacking them with the rest. When she turned he watched her, the clouds back in his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” She didn’t really want to rehash their conversation about her living conditions, but the sight of him troubled bothered her.
“I’m just having a small internal debate.” He tried to laugh it off, but the clouds remained. “My sister said a few things to me right before she left. She has a way to needle with the truth in a way that won’t fade until I do something about it.”
Lilly couldn’t say she understood. “Well, I guess I’d better head out. Gracias.”
“You speak Spanish?” If anything, he seemed more troubled by that thought.
“Is that a problem?” She headed toward the laundry room for the last time and he followed, stopping at the door.
“No, of course not. I just, it’s—” he ran a hand through his hair. “I’m glad you came over today.”
Lilly tried to block the contents of the dryer with her body, conscious of the unmentionables as they dropped into her suitcase. William didn’t seem to notice. When she was done zipping up the case, she rose and closed the distance to give him a impulsive hug. “You saved me hours of time, and I enjoyed meeting your sister.”
His hands wrapped around her, returning the hug and didn’t immediately drop as she pulled back. The butterflies started dancing again. Lilly stared up into his clouded golden eyes and decided on her next impulsive move. Her lips met his tentatively and she felt the burning flush of excitement as he responded.
“We shouldn’t—” He pulled back only a half-centimeter, belying his arguments.
Lilly stopped the words with another kiss and they shifted to a grunt, then disappeared entirely. She felt his fingers tighten at her waist and when they broke again one of his hands had tangled into her hair.
“God, help me.” He whispered. “Lilly, we need to stop. Kissing should not be our first romantic interaction.” He released her and backed up two steps. “I’m sorry. Give me a moment. I'll be right back.” He turned and left without another word.
Lilly could feel the chasm immediately. She’d pushed him too hard and he regretted it. Cursing herself, she rushed from his house, stuffing the suitcase into her backseat. She drove to the end of the street then idled, regaining her bearings and calming her heart. Heartbreak over this man was nothing new, but she hadn’t felt it in long enough that the tearing sensation took her breath away. Now what? Before, she hadn't really known him; her love was empty and she knew it. This was something different. She needed advice. Turning the wheel, she headed for the only source of comfort she could rely on
Pamela’s mother answered on the first knock and she found herself crying into Pamela’s shoulder in minutes.
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