The goal of all good writing is to invoke questions, intrigue, and interest. The first chapter of any book should set the story and draw the reader into the world - to make them want to continue.
Here is chapter 1 of my current WIP, meant to do just that. Comments on or improvement areas are appreciated.
Ginata shook, terrified of the
fire raging before her. Alarm bells continued to ring from the Council Hall a
few blocks away calling anyone who could lend aid. Each thundering gong pounded
through her tiny frame. The wide avenues of the city center near the Council
Hall gave way to lanes. Houses grew closer together in a way that made the
child feel squished; she wondered why her parents had brought her here.
Maleo, her father, left off his
reassurances to her as his wife's frantic words pulled him up from his crouch.
His hand squeezed, lending comfort and connection amid the chaos of flames and
people. Despite that, his words to his wife were clipped and tense.
Without her father to distract
her, the heat from the burning home pulled at her, spreading through her.
People crowded the avenue, some running, some calling out instructions, while
others like her family stood staring, unsure how to help.
Nate stepped into her line of
sight and took her free hand. His seven-year-old eyes caught and held her
attention. He’d spent the evening bothering Ginata while his parents fulfilled
their duties as heads of the Council, but his mood was somber now and his hand
squeezed hers just like her father's had. “It’ll be okay, Ginata. You’ll see,
they'll get the fire out.”
Adults scrambled for anything that
would hold water. Couldn’t they see that it was too late? Fire covered the
thatch and dry wood; saving it seemed impossible. They were just lucky that
none of the other houses were close enough to catch fire.
Amid the chaos, her mother’s voice
rose, pulling Ginata’s attention. “Don’t go, Maleo.” Killia clutched Maleo’s
face, her hands pressing into his cheeks; their foreheads touching. “You cannot
leave me. Your leg still hasn’t healed from your last attempt to play the
savior. You can’t do it again. If you go, you’ll die!”
“There are people in there, Killia
– an entire family. They haven’t come out, which means they need help. You want
me to just sit by?” He pushed a hand through his dark hair, eyes darting
between his wife and the burning home. “I’ll be fine.”
Ginata’s parents squabbled every
now and then, but the edge to both voices made the child uncomfortable. Her
father loosened his grip, ready to break away.
“No!” Kilia’s hands tightened.
The desperation in the word sent a
shiver of foreboding through Ginata. Flames seemed to rise higher, heating the
child from the inside and making her gasp. The night pushed in, weighing on her
shoulders and adding to the gloom.
“Mother!” Nate’s fingers broke
from Ginata’s, but he managed only one step before Maleo intercepted him.
Pulling him close, the man blocked
the view of the house. “You can’t go, Nathanial, they’ll be okay.”
Ginata strained around her
father’s form, and her jaw dropped in shock. Nate’s parents ran straight for
the danger. Why would they run toward Kathy’s home? They were friends with
Kathy’s parents, just like her family, but there was too much fire. Was she the
only one who could see the danger?
Nate’s parents disappeared into
the doorway. Ginata fidgeted, watching black smoke rise into the evening air, distracted until a figure ran pell-mell toward them
through the throng.
The familiar voice held anger and
judgment. “Father, why do you just stand there?” the young teen waved a hand
back toward the flames. “You’re a Seer! Can’t you do something to help? There
are people inside!”
Maleo’s expression twisted with
defensive fury. “The visions don’t give me the power to help them, boy. What
good would Seeing their path do us now? It’s too late.” His shoulders fell as
the last words dropped off, dejected.
“Shouldn't you have Seen this
coming?” Slater waited only a moment before continuing. “At least join the
brigade then.” He followed his own advice, adding himself to one of the two
lines.
Buckets passed in quick succession
and Ginata recognized at least a handful of families she knew, but many she
didn’t. Their efforts poured ineffectual water over the raging flames.
Wood snapped as the thatch
crumbled inward. The roof dropped onto the first floor in a shower of sparks
and a roar of delighted flame. Like a living thing, the red and gold sparks jumped
into the night, dancing along the new kindling. Those nearest the house pulled
back with shouts of fear; screams began in earnest from within the heated
walls.
“My parents!” Nate cried.
Maleo whispered, “how did we miss
it?” hugging Nate closer still.
Ginata could not take her eyes
from the dancing blaze. Another scream, closer, as a girl tried to escape.
Adult hands lifted her, tossing her through the window. Kathy's body burned and
the water throwers turned their efforts to her.
Members of the crowd rushed forward,
stifling the outright flame and blocking her from view. The girls had played
together a time or two. Ginata shivered at the blackened girl, wondering if she
would die.
The
hands from the window pulled back. Ginata may have seen a face but it did not
appear again before the bottom floor collapsed. The remaining timbers dropped
as the home folded in on itself. Inside, the screaming rose for a moment but soon died into a silence that left
the world eerily void.
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